i was so fucking sick earlier tonight i fucking thought there was a huuuuuge turd inside me like in matthew stokoes COWS when theres a big black ball of hate inside her and i was on my period and i would pee a little bit every time i coughed
so i had my hands between my legs with my thumb in my hoohoo trying to EASE ALONG the little turdy through my vaginal walls but i cant feel anything but fucking bloody sponges fuckign squooshing all over so thats not helpign and i decide
well maybe im fucking with myself so i put my finger in my ass and try to poke at the huge turd
LIKE IT HAS TO BE BIG
IVE BEEN SHITTING -AROOOOOUND- IT
seriously the shit shoots out of my ass so hard i think i can propel myself forward with it
and all the while im rocket blasting shit piss out of my ass and coughing and dripping blood and urine im thinking about the coocoon of EVIL SHIT THATS JUST RIGHT THERE RIGHT BY MY ASSHOLE BUT WONT COME OUT and when it does come out im going to be famous becuase im going to be the next goatse
but when i poke its not fucking there
theres nothing
and i pull my finger out and its just covered in peanut butter colored NONSENSE
I AM GROSSING MYSELF OUT
so i put the sink on hot water and i wash my right hand with soap while poking around with my hand in my bloody hoo hoo trying to break the turd in half or something
and i feel like this ROD and im like shit i have a fucking voodoo staff turd up my butt its gonna stretch out my intestines and impale me from the inside out so i start sweating and shit (no pun intended) ACTUALY FUCK IT THAT WAS HILARIOUS
and then i think
hey daphny remember the VAGUS NERVE oh shit i found THE VAGUS NERVE YHTATS WHY IM SO SWEATY AND MY CHEST HURTS oh yuou dumbass you’re slowing your heart down through your vagina
and im thinking like oh man what a way to die with hot water running on my right hand and my left hand inside my vagina becuase i was strumming my vagus nerve like les claypool until i died
but then i got a HORRIBLE PAIN and my fantasies of dying in the most glorious and beautiful way ever crumbled becuase i was hurting so bad and who the fuck knows what happened i
pooped and bled and pissed and coughed all at the same time
and flushed and walked out
and like this was in five minutes
and i felt guilty
i felt guilty becuase it was FUN AS HELL id get poop on my finger and wash it off id have blood and shit on my hand and just wash it off and keep SPEULUNKING
and i was like man as long as there was a waterfall i could explore a cave of piss and shit and blood forever (as long as it was my own poop becuase i like the way my farts smell)
but thats stupid
i told ma’am though and she looked at me and said oh i put my thumb up my butt too sometimes wehn i get scared
so its a totally normla thing
and thats why i think its appropriate for me to post this publicly to facebook adn twitter right now
edIT TELL EVERYONE TO COMMENT ON THIS POST WITH A POOP STORY LETS MAKE A ZINE I JUST PULLED THIS IDEA OUT OF MY ASS GET IT
SERIOUSLY I AM FRIENDS WITH EVERYONE HOW COME NOTHING I DO FUCKING GETS DONE
lets make a zine
about poop stories
they’re hilarious
why the fuck not theres a stupid fucking lady gaga fanzine who the fuck is she
EVERYONE POOPS
EVERYONE HAS A FUNNY ASS POOP STORY
submit drawings words pictures photos i will compile all poops in a zine and we will BE FAMOUS
